I try to be seen by you through different eyes
Your footsteps walk away from me
I’m still a child, running to catch up with you
What sword did you use on me?
The wound you made is now famous for bleeding on others too
The day you build a wall is the day pieces of my heart started crumbling, since I didn’t have a wall
The lines in your face make me cry
How did you dare?
I understand
You never left me
You never raised me
How could you leave me?
Please never reach me
I’ll do it by myself like I’ve always done
Why don’t you see me?
I’m sorry, please teach me
who you are
I don’t know who you are and I can’t take it to see you and I can’t take it not to ask you everything I can’t ask you
I want to spend every second of the coming years apart and together at the same time
How will I ever know you when there is such little time?
And all that time is spend grieving and healing your absence, your words, and our unlived life?
How do you grieve a father still alive?
How do I look him in the eyes when my own cry about him all the time?
I’m loved now by a man but I will never feel loved from the man I loved first
Never in the way I want to, never in the way I need
-There is a black hole in my chest where your love should be
-Lauren Marleon
About the Poet-
Lauren is a 23-year-old from the Netherlands, a sensitive soul with a multitude of feelings and dreams. She has a profound love for trees, singing, and dancing. Currently, Lauren is writing her first poetry book and has started sharing her poems on Instagram, a step that helps her build confidence. She aspires to study film, become a director, and create YouTube videos. Despite having many passions, she often feels there’s not enough time to pursue them all. Lauren loves cats and horses and has been struggling mentally for a while. Writing has become her outlet, allowing her to breathe deeply into her feelings and release them onto paper. She also cherishes a sacred connection with God.
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